Why love is easy but relationships are hard

Falling in love is such a magically beautiful but scary thing.

In fact love is “more effective at bringing us together than keeping us together” writes Relationship & anger expert Dr Steven Stosny in a recent article published in Psychology Today entitled: Why you need to change how you think about relationships...

According to Stosny, when we fall in love we tend to ride powerful waves of affection and intimacy (occasionally we feel self-doubt and apprehension but we continue riding these wonderful feelings of love).

But this is the easy part. Stosny says we often hear that love conquers all and “love is easy; relationships are hard” but the truth is relationships are hard because the effortlessness of love gives us this illusion of certainty.

These illusions of certainty are self-validating especially when it comes to strong feelings he explains:

• If I'm angry, you must be doing something wrong, • If I'm ashamed, you must be rejecting, • If I'm in love, you must be all that I ever wanted.

And again this is where loves stand out. According to Stosny, with the exception of anger and resentment, no emotional experience has more illusion of certainty than love. Why else would we take on the risk of heartbreak (i.e. disillusionment) he asks?

He says this is an area of many others where people need to change how we see love and shared with Overnight Live presenter Owen Simons the practical ways we can keep the spark alive within a relationship.

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