Weekend Breakfast with Africa

Photograph: Courtesy Aloy Gowne

34 year old Aloy Gowne is the first single black male to adopt a child through the adoption agency Procare.

Gowne says he is often asked why he has gone this route. he says most people grow up being told you have to follow a mainstream path, get married and have children, and focus on your career as well.

I suppose I didn't grow up that way. I had lovely grandparents who always said that you can decided your future.

— Aloy Gowne

He says he feels fortunate that everything he has ever done feels right for him.

I think that's why I am happily single.

— Aloy Gowne

You get to a point in your life where you feel like you are being selfish with your life. There's so much more you can do. There's so much contribution you can make to society.

— Aloy Gowne

Aloy Gowne says he has always wanted to be a dad. He says he has felt this for the past 10 years, and the right relationship just did not come along.

His nieces and nephews have always gravitated to him for nurturing and comfort, and he realised he would be a good parent.

He researched the agencies out there and settled on Procare. And it was not as difficult or intimidating as people may assume.

It was the most fantastic process that I have ever been through, and i can recommend it to anyone.

— Aloy Gowne

His baby was eight months old when Gowne adopted him, three months ago.

He says at first he was more concerned his son would not accept him, but it turned out to be a wonderful meeting.

I was told he had a fighting spirit and made his own choices, but at the first meeting he grabbed my nose, and I felt very relaxed. He didn't cry, and literally sat in my lap and at some point fell asleep...for me it was more about him choosing me.

— Aloy Gowne

He has changed many nappies and been through many sleepless nights, but says he has had help.

His son's foster parents, known as kangaroo parents, took care of the little one in the first few months until the child is ready for adoption. he says they have been an enormous support.

Everybody has been willing to offer help and advice when I have needed it.

— Aloy Gowne

He says he and his son had to go for an assessment after a time to see how the boding was going.

The psychologist looked at us and said there is no doubt, you guys are like a match made in heaven.

— Aloy Gowne

When he wakes up in the morning and he looks at me, or he just wants to touch me, or kiss me, or hug me, I know he has chosen me to be his dad.

— Aloy Gowne

Listen to the entire conversation below:

This article first appeared on 702 : The joys of fatherhood for first single black man to adopt a child