When you're at a relationship crossroads...do you leave or stay?

Dr Eve discusses what happens when couples realise they have differing needs, and have to decide if they can accommodate those within the relationship or not.

She says she has counselled couples in marriages and relationships that feel the relationship is 'just too good to leave but too bad to stay'.

These kind of relationships often have many positive aspects, but there are areas in which one partner is not feeling fulfilled.

These individuals find themselves in a dilemma. It feels like they are living in limbo, and individuals feel they are living an unlived life where they are not being true to themselves. They don't know how to move forward, because of the commitments they made to their partner in the beginning of the relationship.

Dr Eve says these days, with more technology available, people in these situations feel they have more choice to explore other options. She says in pre-technology days people tended to sit it out because of children or fear of being on their own.

According to Dr Eve, about 69 percent of relationship conflicts are caused by perpetual problems - fundamental differences in personality or lifestyle like sexual preferences and one partner's desire to explore new sexual experiences.

Dr Eve says gridlocked problems, are those perpetual problems that never get solved and "are seen as the pink elephant that seats in the room and nobody wants to talk about"

We talking about a particular lifestyle, feeling like you are not living the kind of life you want and there's something better waiting for you

Dr Eve, clinical sexologist

Dr Eve gave a list of feelings that will help in knowing if you are happy to stay or leave in a current relationship.

• I’m pretending to be happy and fulfilled in my relationship

• I fantasize about being “independent” and single

• People would be surprised that we were splitting up

• I can no longer suppress my fetish – for example BDSM, foot fetish, transvestite

• I want to be with same sex people emotionally or/and sexually

• I want to open up my relationship- swinging , threesomes, polyamory

• I want a sexless relationship with my partner but want to stay married/committed

• I can no longer tolerate a sexless/sexually unsatisfying relationship

• I only want a co-parenting relationship with my partner

• Living apart together relationship- different cities, countries or houses or bedrooms

• Do you stay in familiarity and attachment or leave to tick your boxes?

Its not easy to end or terminate a relationship and that's why you stay. But people are staying and feeling 'I'm just too uncomfortable' and then it leads to what we call a vulnerability factor to acting out, and acting out could be cheating ... its a way of saying I am not living the life I want to be living in this relationship.

Dr Eve, clinical sexologist

Listen to the full conversation below:

Read More
'Engrish' never loved us: 30 words listeners struggle to pronounce

'Engrish' never loved us: 30 words listeners struggle to pronounce

Worcestershire or "Wooster" sauce? The Queen's language can be over-rated and hard to get right! Listeners chuckle at themselves.

Currency trading 101: How did banks manipulate currency

Currency trading 101: How did banks manipulate currency

Eusebius McKaiser finds out from Rand Swiss portfolio manager, Gary Booysen, and Financial Mail's Rob Rose.

6 ways to spot a 'Ben 10' (and the power they apparently wield)

6 ways to spot a 'Ben 10' (and the power they apparently wield)

Listeners share their insights on how to identify a Ben 10 and describe the relationship dynamics the saucy love affair entails.

How Hairtural studio nurtures natural crowns with love and tenderness

How Hairtural studio nurtures natural crowns with love and tenderness

Hairtural™ Studio is a popular combfree and heatfree salon in Jozi. Founder Botlhale Tshetlo shares her entrepreneurial journey.

Hate Speech Bill: Experts cite unconstitutional consequences

Hate Speech Bill: Experts cite unconstitutional consequences

Section 4 of Hate Crimes and Hate Speech Bill may be too broad and could criminalise speech that does not qualify as hate speech.

Why laughter is good for mental health

Why laughter is good for mental health

A sense of humour is key to a balanced life and good mental health. Dr. Schomer talks about the liberating effect of laughter.

Popular articles
Budget 2017 and tax: The good (there is some), the bad and the ugly

Budget 2017 and tax: The good (there is some), the bad and the ugly

The Money Show’s Bruce Whitfield interviews TaxTim cofounder Marc Sevitz.

Legality of Brian Molefe’s Parliamentary nomination called into question

Legality of Brian Molefe’s Parliamentary nomination called into question

A lack of transparency raises suspicions as to whether Molefe's route to Parliament has been ushered in with integrity.

Sars officials sniff out 271kg of cocaine in biggest bust to date

Sars officials sniff out 271kg of cocaine in biggest bust to date

Cocaine weighing 271kg, with an estimated street value of R78 million, was confiscated by Sars officials at the OR Tambo Airport.

How Airbnb has made renting in Cape Town even more pricey

How Airbnb has made renting in Cape Town even more pricey

Property management company PayProp argues that Airbnb has driven down rental availability and driven up rental prices in the CBD.