When you're at a relationship crossroads...do you leave or stay?

Dr Eve discusses what happens when couples realise they have differing needs, and have to decide if they can accommodate those within the relationship or not.

She says she has counselled couples in marriages and relationships that feel the relationship is 'just too good to leave but too bad to stay'.

These kind of relationships often have many positive aspects, but there are areas in which one partner is not feeling fulfilled.

These individuals find themselves in a dilemma. It feels like they are living in limbo, and individuals feel they are living an unlived life where they are not being true to themselves. They don't know how to move forward, because of the commitments they made to their partner in the beginning of the relationship.

Dr Eve says these days, with more technology available, people in these situations feel they have more choice to explore other options. She says in pre-technology days people tended to sit it out because of children or fear of being on their own.

According to Dr Eve, about 69 percent of relationship conflicts are caused by perpetual problems - fundamental differences in personality or lifestyle like sexual preferences and one partner's desire to explore new sexual experiences.

Dr Eve says gridlocked problems, are those perpetual problems that never get solved and "are seen as the pink elephant that seats in the room and nobody wants to talk about"

We talking about a particular lifestyle, feeling like you are not living the kind of life you want and there's something better waiting for you

Dr Eve, clinical sexologist

Dr Eve gave a list of feelings that will help in knowing if you are happy to stay or leave in a current relationship.

• I’m pretending to be happy and fulfilled in my relationship

• I fantasize about being “independent” and single

• People would be surprised that we were splitting up

• I can no longer suppress my fetish – for example BDSM, foot fetish, transvestite

• I want to be with same sex people emotionally or/and sexually

• I want to open up my relationship- swinging , threesomes, polyamory

• I want a sexless relationship with my partner but want to stay married/committed

• I can no longer tolerate a sexless/sexually unsatisfying relationship

• I only want a co-parenting relationship with my partner

• Living apart together relationship- different cities, countries or houses or bedrooms

• Do you stay in familiarity and attachment or leave to tick your boxes?

Its not easy to end or terminate a relationship and that's why you stay. But people are staying and feeling 'I'm just too uncomfortable' and then it leads to what we call a vulnerability factor to acting out, and acting out could be cheating ... its a way of saying I am not living the life I want to be living in this relationship.

Dr Eve, clinical sexologist

Listen to the full conversation below:


This article first appeared on 702 : When you're at a relationship crossroads...do you leave or stay?


Read More
NDZ loses out on 27 votes ahead of ANC elective conference

NDZ loses out on 27 votes ahead of ANC elective conference

Political analyst Karima Brown says the ANC may have to recount votes and delay the announcement of president at the conference.

'Zuma's judgments reveal how he has attempted to defend the indefensible'

'Zuma's judgments reveal how he has attempted to defend the indefensible'

Eusebius Mckaiser spoke to journalist Karyn Maughan and law professor James Grant about Zuma and the role of the law in politics.

Van Damme: De Lille has until Monday to respond to maladministration claims

Van Damme: De Lille has until Monday to respond to maladministration claims

The DA has suspended Patricia de Lille from party activities but Eusebius McKaiser says its statement 'is clear as mud'.

Publisher Melinda Ferguson snatches Lit Quiz championship title

Publisher Melinda Ferguson snatches Lit Quiz championship title

Publisher Melinda Ferguson and book distributor Nonkululeko Magi-Africa battled it out during the monthly Literature Quiz.

The Steinhoff Story: from humble beginnings to billions

The Steinhoff Story: from humble beginnings to billions

Financial Mail editor Rob Rose chats to Eusebius McKaiser about how Steinhoff became the retail giant we know, before the fall.

'Democracy  is in trouble if our children cannot read with comprehension'

'Democracy is in trouble if our children cannot read with comprehension'

702/CapeTalk host Eusebius McKaiser hosted a debate on literacy in South Africa.

Popular articles
'This puts pressure on Jacob Zuma to vacate office earlier'

'This puts pressure on Jacob Zuma to vacate office earlier'

The Money Show’s Bruce Whitfield interviews Daniel Silke, Political Economy Analyst at Political Futures Consultancy.

Judge Mlambo: Zuma's application amounts to abuse of judicial process

Judge Mlambo: Zuma's application amounts to abuse of judicial process

EWN Barry Bateman explains the High Court proceeding on President Zuma's application to set aside parts of Madonsela's report.

It's chicken for Joburgers and Durbanites, but what do Capetonians feast on?

It's chicken for Joburgers and Durbanites, but what do Capetonians feast on?

Stephen Grootes spoke to founder and CEO of OrderIn to find out more about South African's eating habits.

Predictably awesome new Nando's ad reminds South Africans ‘we can fix our sh$t’

Predictably awesome new Nando's ad reminds South Africans ‘we can fix our sh$t’

Watch the Guptas pack their bags and run in Nando's inspiring new advertisement.

PSG Chair Jannie Mouton opens up (kind of) about Steinhoff

PSG Chair Jannie Mouton opens up (kind of) about Steinhoff

In 2012 Steinhoff acquired 20% of wealth manager PSG, reportedly infuriating Mouton. Bruce Whitfield interviews him.

[LISTEN] Caller challenges Eusebius on land disposition

[LISTEN] Caller challenges Eusebius on land disposition

‘I need you to provide me with an answer' - John from Edenvale, Gauteng