Business Blunders

Facebook rejects Lance Browneye. Parmalat recalls denatured, re-watered PureJoy

Also read the following related article:

- “Curro’s teachers are good at math, especially division.”

Native Americans struggling to get on Facebook with real names

“I’m not on Facebook but I own some shares because every time I look for my wife I realise she’s on Facebook,” says an on-thin-ice Paul Theron (Vestact MD).

Did you know you’re supposed to use your real name on Facebook? And can you imagine the problem this causes for Native Americans?

“It all started when Shane Creepingbear was barred from Facebook,” says Theron. “Then the social network chose to deal with Lance Browneye from the Lakota tribe by changing his name to Lance Brown. Facebook only relented when he threatened them with legal action. His brown eye is now restored to all its former glory.”

Parmalat recalls its denatured, re-watered apple juice

Parmalat recalled stocks of its PureJoy apple juice in the Western Cape this past week after caustic soda were found in it.

“These things happen from time to time,” says Theron. “Lead poisoned the Romans and melamine was found in Chinese baby formula in 2008; I’m sure they’ll bounce back. Soon there’ll once again be 100 percent pure joy in their denatured, re-watered apple juice.”

Perfect for the job?

Did you know that, before Yanis Varoufakis became the Greek Finance Minister, he worked for a videogame company called “Valve”? His job was managing the “in game” purchases.

“This important job is held by a guy who used to deal with kids using their parents’ credit cards to buy upgrades for their virtual avatars,” says Theron.

“It’s perfect training for the job; the more I think about it!”

South Africa won’t glow in the dark by 2023 as promised

“This R1-trillion nuclear power program will never happen!” predicts Theron with unwavering certainty. “What, are we gonna get the money from the Russians? Their economy is busy melting down into a vodka soaked puddle right now!

“And Eskom’s balance sheet, please! Who is going to buy those bonds?”

Theron expects far more private power generation in future, especially gas, wind and solar. He mentions Apple’s US$850-million investment to power their headquarters with solar energy as a lead we should follow.

These jokes don't always translate well into text. Listen to the audio for the real deal:

Also read the following related article:

- “Curro’s teachers are good at math, especially division.”


This article first appeared on 702 : Facebook rejects Lance Browneye. Parmalat recalls denatured, re-watered PureJoy


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