How forgiving your parents helps you heal from a painful childhood

Many adults struggle to move on from their childhood pain and forgive their parents.

Whether it's abuse, lack of affection, extreme pressure, divorce, estrangement or oppression - it can be hard to let go.

Harbored hatred towards a parent can affect other relationships in your adult life, advises counselling psychologist Jeremy Bayer.

For your own sake, Bayer says it is important to forgive your parents in order to move on with your life.

Forgiveness is important, for yourself... Take responsibility for your own life and make of it what you want.

Jeremy Bayer, counselling psychologist

He says the act of forgiveness does not mean that you have condone your parents' behaviour or attitudes.

According to Bayer, the inability for people to forgive their parents can have long-term psycho-social and physical consequences.

It can eat away at you. Trauma does't just leave, it has to be dealt with.

Jeremy Bayer, counselling psychologist

Some listeners called in to share their experiences of having a difficult childhood:

I'm now 59... For the first 15 years of my life my father and mother abused me. From rape to molestation to emotional abuse, to being tied up and beaten, you name it. I was abused in the most inhumane way possible. It is vital to forgive and to release. It was the most liberating feeling. It opened possibilities for myself to heal.

Carol, caller

My father was very abusive. He sometime beat us to the pulp to the point that we couldn't go to school... He one night put a gun to my head...I went with a repentative heart and asked for forgiveness then told him I forgive him.. But we don't have a relationship. I needed to forgive him and myself and move on.

Peter, caller

Bayer fielded calls and spoke about the role of parenting, its impact on children and families and gave practical tips on how to move forward.

Take a listen to the moving conversation:


Recommended

by NEWSROOM AI

CapeTalk welcomes all comments that are constructive, contribute to discussions in a meaningful manner and take stories forward.

However, we will NOT condone the following:

  • Racism (including offensive comments based on ethnicity and nationality)
  • Sexism
  • Homophobia
  • Religious intolerance
  • Cyber bullying
  • Hate speech
  • Derogatory language
  • Comments inciting violence.

We ask that your comments remain relevant to the articles they appear on and do not include general banter or conversation as this dilutes the effectiveness of the comments section.

We strive to make the CapeTalk community a safe and welcoming space for all.

CapeTalk reserves the right to: 1) remove any comments that do not follow the above guidelines; and, 2) ban users who repeatedly infringe the rules.

Should you find any comments upsetting or offensive you can also flag them and we will assess it against our guidelines.

CapeTalk is constantly reviewing its comments policy in order to create an environment conducive to constructive conversations.

Read More
10 pointers on how to explain death and grief to young kids

10 pointers on how to explain death and grief to young kids

Don't shy away from questions about death from young children. Here are some comforting tips on talking about tragedy with kids.

Gifted father and son shine while continuing musical legacy of Masote family

Gifted father and son shine while continuing musical legacy of Masote family

Orchestra runs in the blood of the Masote family who are known for their contribution to the SA music landscape. Take a listen.

Trans kids need to be supported (not surpressed) by parents, says Dr Eve

Trans kids need to be supported (not surpressed) by parents, says Dr Eve

Clinical sexologist Dr Eve discusses the debate on gender diversity and the rights and agency of transgender children growing up.

Parents complaints about school uniform monopoly gets traction

Parents complaints about school uniform monopoly gets traction

The Competition Commission says it's planning to put an end to the school uniform supply monopoly by next year.

No ifs, ands, or buts: The problem with authoritarian parenting

No ifs, ands, or buts: The problem with authoritarian parenting

Authoritarian parenting is based on eliciting fear and asserting power, but can be detrimental for the development of young kids.

Researchers link childhood hunger and violence

Researchers link childhood hunger and violence

Dr Tracey Ledger believes that hunger is a contributing factor to poor impulse control fuelling violence and crime in later life.

Survey finds men abused as kids are 5 times more likely to become violent adults

Survey finds men abused as kids are 5 times more likely to become violent adults

More than 85% of the men who participated in the survey had experienced violence or neglect during their early childhood years

Online safety: Is it spying or sheer concern?

Online safety: Is it spying or sheer concern?

Parenting expert Nikki Bush speaks about the importance of parents knowing what their children get up to on the internet.

What SA schools can learn from Denmark about teaching kids empathy

What SA schools can learn from Denmark about teaching kids empathy

Bullying remains a big problem in SA schools and our education system can take a page out of Denmark's book, an expert explains.

The joys and challenges of single parenting

The joys and challenges of single parenting

Family Psychologist Ilze Alberts speaks to Eusebius Mackaiser about some of the challenges associated with single parenting.

Battling with addiction as a family

Battling with addiction as a family

Addiction has a huge genetic propensity, says parenting expert and addiction councilor and children of addicts can become addicts.

Dear parents, don't dismiss your kids...the second term is tough enough - expert

Dear parents, don't dismiss your kids...the second term is tough enough - expert

A parental expert and psychologist says that pupils face a tough time in the second term of the year & shares tips on how to help.

Popular articles
Parents no longer have to travel with children's birth certificates

Parents no longer have to travel with children's birth certificates

The new Home Affairs upgrades to the system include printing parents details at the back of the child's passport.

Tell me what you want: Study reveals most common sexual fantasies

Tell me what you want: Study reveals most common sexual fantasies

What are your sexual fantasies? Disclosure can bring sexual freedom, but it can also have downsides. A study lists the top trends.

More arrests are imminent in connection with the cash-in-transit heists - Hawks

More arrests are imminent in connection with the cash-in-transit heists - Hawks

Seven suspects were arrested in Limpopo in less than 24 hours after a cash-in-transit vehicle was blown up in the province.

Madiba’s private secretary Zelda la Grange opens up about money (hers and his)

Madiba’s private secretary Zelda la Grange opens up about money (hers and his)

Bruce Whitfield interviews La Grange about her and Madiba's attitude to money (hopes and fears, successes and failures, etc.)

The story of amaBhungane (and how it’s digging up dung on the Guptas & friends)

The story of amaBhungane (and how it’s digging up dung on the Guptas & friends)

The Money Show’s Bruce Whitfield interviews amaBhungane Centre for Investigative Journalism Investigative Journalist Craig McKune.

Meet Elmar Conradie, CEO of low-cost FlySafair (world’s most on-time airline)

Meet Elmar Conradie, CEO of low-cost FlySafair (world’s most on-time airline)

The Money Show’s Bruce Whitfield interviews Conradie for his “ShapeShifter” feature.

Criminals targeting homes with aluminium windows, warns neighborhood watch

Criminals targeting homes with aluminium windows, warns neighborhood watch

The Panorama, Welgelegen and Plattekloof Neighbourhood Watch has identified a new house break-in trend.