How to rebuild a relationship after trust is broken

When somebody has had their trust betrayed, whether it be a friend, an office colleague or a partner, it is hard to deal with.

Psychologist Dr Helgo Shomer talks to Eusebius McKaiser about how to get over trust being betrayed in a relationship.

Trust is absolutely necessary for human interaction, to be able to predict what we do with and about each other.

Dr Helgo Shomer, psychologist

Trust enables growth in relationships to occur, says Shomer.

Shomer starts by dealing with the person who has betrayed another and says they need to follow a number of important steps.

When you have been discovered:

1. Come clean (and that means completely clean!)

  1. Expect a harsh emotional reaction (Don't say 'oh it's not that bad'. Let the other person vent all their feelings)

  2. Apologise sincerely (don't try to justify it and take responsibility for your actions)

  3. Full transparency (that means opening your phone, computer and appointment book!)

You will not be able to rush forgiveness, says Shomer. People need to do it in their own time.

The guilty party needs to become completely transparent. In the case of a marital affair, he cites examples of how the one who has betrayed his or her partner needs to give them complete access to their phone, computer and appointment book.

Wanting to know why they betrayed you

Most people want to know why this happened, though the guilty party often does not want to thrash it out. The betrayer needs to be willing to discuss it as long as it takes if they want to save the relationship.

Take a listen to more advice from Dr Shomer:


This article first appeared on 702 : How to rebuild a relationship after trust is broken


Recommended

by NEWSROOM AI

CapeTalk welcomes all comments that are constructive, contribute to discussions in a meaningful manner and take stories forward.

However, we will NOT condone the following:

  • Racism (including offensive comments based on ethnicity and nationality)
  • Sexism
  • Homophobia
  • Religious intolerance
  • Cyber bullying
  • Hate speech
  • Derogatory language
  • Comments inciting violence.

We ask that your comments remain relevant to the articles they appear on and do not include general banter or conversation as this dilutes the effectiveness of the comments section.

We strive to make the CapeTalk community a safe and welcoming space for all.

CapeTalk reserves the right to: 1) remove any comments that do not follow the above guidelines; and, 2) ban users who repeatedly infringe the rules.

Should you find any comments upsetting or offensive you can also flag them and we will assess it against our guidelines.

CapeTalk is constantly reviewing its comments policy in order to create an environment conducive to constructive conversations.

Read More
Preview into 'Khwezi...Say my name' - the play

Preview into 'Khwezi...Say my name' - the play

Poet and playwright Napo Masheane provides insight into her play based on Redi Thlabi's book.

Ever wondered why you go for that slice of cake...even when you're full?

Ever wondered why you go for that slice of cake...even when you're full?

Chris Smith, better known as The Naked Scientist, answers this and other questions from listeners.

Ever wanted to know who funds political parties? Now you can

Ever wanted to know who funds political parties? Now you can

The Concourt rules that political parties should disclose their private funders and donors.

Koeksisters and Koesisters, what's the difference?

Koeksisters and Koesisters, what's the difference?

Food anthropologist, chef and author, Anna Trapido, explains the difference between two South African specialities.

You aren't legally entitled to an annual increase (and why your contract is key)

You aren't legally entitled to an annual increase (and why your contract is key)

Employment law litigator Joe Mothibi explains that an annual increase is not a given unless stated otherwise in the job contract.

Will making teaching an essential service prevent teachers from striking?

Will making teaching an essential service prevent teachers from striking?

Pundits discuss whether teaching should be made an essential service.

Popular articles
Ever wanted a 13-month year? Well, the Ethiopians have one

Ever wanted a 13-month year? Well, the Ethiopians have one

Ethiopia is one of the few countries using a calendar different from the conventional calendar most countries are accustomed to.

'Basetsana Kumalo explained to me that this was the worst week of her life'

'Basetsana Kumalo explained to me that this was the worst week of her life'

Social Media Law Expert, Emma Sadleir, says the Randburg court has issued a protection order for the Kumalo's.

'Cyril Ramaphosa is the weakest president of the ANC since 1994' - analyst

'Cyril Ramaphosa is the weakest president of the ANC since 1994' - analyst

Political analyst Prince Mashele talks about the ANC NEC meeting contradicting messages stemming from this.

Max du Preez opens up about money (and losing everything on Vrye Weekblad)

Max du Preez opens up about money (and losing everything on Vrye Weekblad)

The Money Show’s Bruce Whitfield interviews the famed and fearless journalist about his money history, hopes and beliefs.

Malema under fire after 'Indians are racist' comment

Malema under fire after 'Indians are racist' comment

SA Institute of Race Relations media head Micheal Morris says politicians must be cautious of such divisive statements they make.

[WATCH] Eusebius Mckaiser: I call BS on Malema's racism targeting Indians

[WATCH] Eusebius Mckaiser: I call BS on Malema's racism targeting Indians

Show host Eusebius McKaiser says EFF's leader Julius Malema's comments on Indians are grossly unacceptable and irresponsible.

Here's how to check your load shedding schedule in Cape Town

Here's how to check your load shedding schedule in Cape Town

Stage 1 load s​hedding has been declared nationally. The City of Cape Town has urged residents to take note of the schedules.

Man who dumped body of family dog in street demoted at top JHB law firm

Man who dumped body of family dog in street demoted at top JHB law firm

Media law guru Emma Sadleir warns employees online that there are many potential events that could bring a company into disrepute.

Athletes to run 375km in solidarity against human trafficking

Athletes to run 375km in solidarity against human trafficking

The run takes place from 5 - 8 December along the N1 from Rawsonville to Beaufort West - a hunting ground for child traffickers.