Women must stop enduring bad sex, says Dr Eve

There's a big difference between 'bad sex' and sexual assault or harassment, says clinical sexologist Dr Eve.

Dr Eve described 'bad sex' as follows:

You feel as if he takes the sex. It feels coercive and manipulative

Dr Eve, clinical sexologist

Read: Why 1 in 10 women endure painful sex (and keep it a secret)

She says that many women have low expectations of pleasure and often revert to resigned acceptance.

Dr Eve encourages women to reclaim their sexual agency and openly discuss matters of sexual pleasure and consent.

The conversation around consent is there. I think were we are struggling is implementing it.

Dr Eve, clinical sexologist

We're expecting [consent] to be a yes or a no. It isn't that.

Dr Eve, clinical sexologist

Consent is difficult. We have to keep talking about our stumbling blocks around it.

Dr Eve, clinical sexologist

Men have been taught to manipulate and coerce women. It's messy.

Dr Eve, clinical sexologist

I'm saying to women that it's time to stop accepting bad sex.

Dr Eve, clinical sexologist

Also read: 10 misconceptions about sex that thwart consent (and some complicated scenarios)

Callers phoned in to share their personal experiences and Dr Eve offered her tips and suggestions on how to avoid bad sex.

I met this awesome guy and we dated for three months without being intimate. This one time, he came to my house and I was raped. He stayed over and the following morning he apologised. I never pressed charges and what's worse is that I never stopped dating him.

Thandi, caller

Men have an invaluable role to play.

Thabiso, caller

Visit Dr Eve's blog to learn more.

Take a listen to her expert advice during the Talking Sex feature:


Recommended

by NEWSROOM AI

CapeTalk welcomes all comments that are constructive, contribute to discussions in a meaningful manner and take stories forward.

However, we will NOT condone the following:

  • Racism (including offensive comments based on ethnicity and nationality)
  • Sexism
  • Homophobia
  • Religious intolerance
  • Cyber bullying
  • Hate speech
  • Derogatory language
  • Comments inciting violence.

We ask that your comments remain relevant to the articles they appear on and do not include general banter or conversation as this dilutes the effectiveness of the comments section.

We strive to make the CapeTalk community a safe and welcoming space for all.

CapeTalk reserves the right to: 1) remove any comments that do not follow the above guidelines; and, 2) ban users who repeatedly infringe the rules.

Should you find any comments upsetting or offensive you can also flag them and we will assess it against our guidelines.

CapeTalk is constantly reviewing its comments policy in order to create an environment conducive to constructive conversations.

Read More
Dr Eve: Stigma still major obstacle to abortion rights in SA

Dr Eve: Stigma still major obstacle to abortion rights in SA

Over 50% of abortions in South Africa occur illegally. Stigma is at the root of many of the abortion challenges, Dr Eve explains.

'Sex addiction' does not exist (or excuse sexual abuse) - Dr Eve

'Sex addiction' does not exist (or excuse sexual abuse) - Dr Eve

Dr Eve says sex addiction has become a label reserved for privileged men to excuse and avoid responsibility for sexual misconduct.

Why low sexual desire is not 'abnormal'

Why low sexual desire is not 'abnormal'

Low sex drive is common and non-sexual relationships can also be fulfilling, explains clinical sexologist Dr Eve.

Trouble between the sheets? Dr Eve answers sex-related questions

Trouble between the sheets? Dr Eve answers sex-related questions

Clinical sexologist Dr Eve gives tips on how to improve your sex life and answers questions from erectile dysfunction to dryness.

10 misconceptions about sex that thwart consent (and some complicated scenarios)

10 misconceptions about sex that thwart consent (and some complicated scenarios)

Clinical sexologist Dr Eve discusses the politics of consent and how some messaging can perpetuate sexual violence.

There's no shame: Women get real about going through menopause

There's no shame: Women get real about going through menopause

Ageing women opened up about their experiences of menopause in order to break the stigma with clinical sexologist Dr Eve.

Why 1 in 10 women endure painful sex (and keep it a secret)

Why 1 in 10 women endure painful sex (and keep it a secret)

Suffering in silence isn't advisable, says sexologist Dr Eve. Here is what women and their partners should know about sexual pain.

Popular articles
Research probes citizens views on Cape water crisis

Research probes citizens views on Cape water crisis

The Global Water Leaders Group will present preliminary results of a study evaluating Cape Town's water crisis.

Canada has legalised marijuana, could South Africa follow suit?

Canada has legalised marijuana, could South Africa follow suit?

Independent Journalist Kevin Bloom says its part of a global movement towards the recognition of the plant's properties.

SIU report: Corrupt and fraudulent dealings worth R1.2 billion in Gauteng health

SIU report: Corrupt and fraudulent dealings worth R1.2 billion in Gauteng health

The report reveals that former Gauteng Health MEC Brian Hlongwa and 11 others are involved in the irregular expenditure.

Cape dam levels on the rise, but not all clear yet

Cape dam levels on the rise, but not all clear yet

This week, the overall dam levels are at 40.9% of total storage capacity and there was an increase of 8.8 percentage points.

What was Mabuza's business with Putin? Sikonathi Mantshantsha asks

What was Mabuza's business with Putin? Sikonathi Mantshantsha asks

Sikonathi Mantshantsha echoes Parliament's sentiments in wanting to know what was discussed during David Mabuza's visit to Russia.

Medical Aid Scheme Amendment Bill to boot out medical aid co-payments

Medical Aid Scheme Amendment Bill to boot out medical aid co-payments

Acting Chief Executive and Registrar for medical schemes, Dr Sipho Kabane, explains what the Amendment Bill entails.

First-ever CT shooter gets probation thanks to ShotSpotter gunfire tech

First-ever CT shooter gets probation thanks to ShotSpotter gunfire tech

The City of Cape Town welcomes the first-ever ShotSpotter-linked conviction and sentence, handed down this month.

Damning audio of Tom Moyane instructing Sars official to fake illness emerges

Damning audio of Tom Moyane instructing Sars official to fake illness emerges

The instruction from Moyane to the official was to allegedly avoid speaking to KPMG investigators during 'rogue unit' inquiry.

Woman exposed for calling fellow aircraft passengers the K-word

Woman exposed for calling fellow aircraft passengers the K-word

Reverend Solomuzi Mabuza says he is considering laying charges against the woman for calling him a ka***r.

Celebrity chef Siba Mtongana gets vulnerable, opens up about money

Celebrity chef Siba Mtongana gets vulnerable, opens up about money

The Money Show’s Bruce Whitfield interviews Mtongana about her attitude to money (hopes and fears, successes and failures, etc.).